looking forward to...

For some reason I cannot get into the studying mode. This school year has not been as stressful and busy as last year was, but as of yet, I still have not gotten into it. For example, today I spontaneously decided to go mountain biking with Lance, Ben, and John (instead of studying all afternoon in the Fishbowl). And I don’t regret it one bit, at least not yet. Come Sunday when I’m writing a ridiculous essay, I might :) Normally I’m very studious, but this year I just can’t get into it. I find myself longing for a day when I don’t have to study, study, study, all the time.

I am always looking forward to something. Why am I never truly content? Why is there always something that seems better? Why is the grass always greener on the other side?

“I can’t wait ‘til I’m in high school.”
“I can’t wait ‘til I graduate and go to college.”
“I can’t wait ‘til the day I won’t have to constantly do homework and study for tests.”
“I can’t wait ‘til summer.”
“I can’t wait ‘til I have a real job.”
“I can’t wait ‘til I’m married.”
“I can’t wait ‘til I’m retired.”

Everybody says these things. And I sit here wishing I wasn’t in school. I’m so over it. But that’s not my point. My point is, will it really be that much better when I have a ‘real’ job? Or will I just be looking forward to the next stage of life?

Why can’t I just be content where I am?

Is it some dirty trick…we just think it’s going to get better but it never does? Is it something sin has installed inside each of us, so that we’re never completely satisfied? We just keep running after the latest thing, the best paying job, the hottest spouse, the best vacations, the richest retirement. Are we ever truly living in the moment? Actually enjoying what we have, now?

Maybe it’s not bad to be looking forward to something. Sometimes I think it’s what keeps me going. It’s like running. Racing. When I’m ¾ done and feel like I’m going to die, I just have to focus on what I’ll feel like when I’m finished. Last year, that was the only thing that got me through my chemistry homework and tests - my weekly countdown until I had no more chemistry, for the rest of my life!

Or is this longing something God has put in me? So that I realize how much I need something better? Something heavenly, something forever, something I can’t even fathom. I think this longing has been distorted, so that I get distracted by the wrong “better things.” If only I could be so focused on God that I could see what is REALLY better. Things like love, simplicity, helping people.

Oh, there’s so much more for me to learn.